There are two possible responses to any conflict: resolution or winning. In any real relationship conflicts are bound to occur, how one faces them determines whether or not the relationships remain healthy or falls apart. If you want to see how not to handle relationships simply look at any political conflict. Neither side ever seeks resolution, their focus is on showing themselves right and the other side as wrong. The same is true for so-called reality TV in which people are on stage for an audience. More focused on how they appear before others, the focus is off the other person and onto how they appear. Real relationships necessitate letting your guard down and rendering yourself vulnerable. When the conflicts arise, and they will, we must simply decide whether or not our desire is to win the argument at all costs which will mean hurting our relationship, or resolving the conflict which might mean swallowing our pride but enhancing our relationship.

In this book we see the characters enraptured with one another, anticipating each encounter, completely in love. But then we enter the first conflict in this love story in chapters 5-6 of Song of Solomon SOS). In many ways we can say that at this moment the honeymoon is over. She desires a night alone with her beloved, but we see in SOS 5:1, that her beloved does not come alone but with a group of friends, "...Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!" She now has two choices, embrace the change of plans or not. We read, that the Bridegroom is knocking but the excuses are coming in 5:2-3, she says, "I sleep, but my heart is awake; It is the voice of my beloved! He knocks, saying, "Open for me, my sister, my love, My dove, my perfect one;...I have taken off my robe; How can I put it on again? I have washed my feet; How can I defile them again?" In other words, in anger and disappointment, she chooses to reject him and make excuses. This reaction was temporary, in that more important than putting him in his place, she desired restitution, as we see in 5:6, "I opened for my beloved, But my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him, but he gave me no answer." As the story continues, the conflict ends, and the love continues.

There are a few ways to read this story. Reading it directly as a love story, we see that their relationship moved forward because reconciliation triumphed over winning and pride. This does not mean that we never stand up for what we think is right and effectively become doormats, but the overwhelming majority of conflicts are over small issues which should be easily reconciled if our pride is simply swallowed. But this story also depicts our relationship with God. So many get angry with God when life does not turn out as we scripted. Our loved one dies, we get ill, our children don't turn out as we planned, etc. Rather than thanking God for the blessings we received, many choose to distance themselves from Him, justifying their actions in the process by listing their disappointments in life. As opposed to our personal relationships in which there is generally fault on both sides; concerning God, He is never wrong, He is always ready to forgive, and He is never going to leave us. We read in Revelation 3:20, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me." He is always available, but He will not force Himself in, we need to humble ourselves and open the door. No matter how long or how badly we have turned our back on God, we must remember Hebrews 13:5, "For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.”